Cassy
English 8
Mr.Salsich
October 28, 2009
My Fears:
Common Fears to Me, But Maybe Not For Others
TS Fear is powerful to everyone's personality. CM It can make the people shy because they don't want to tell people their fears. CM Telling someone's fears could be embarrassing. CS When you tell your fears it may lead to shame in yourself.
TS The fears that I have confront me every once in awhile. SD I have realized after going to restaurants that I happen to be scared of intoxicated people. CM I remember a time when I went to Voodoo Grill there were a bunch of men at the bar. CM After awhile, the men started talking really loud and yelling and swaying back in forth andI did not appreciate it. SD There are also times when my friends want me to go to Six Flags but I usually hesitate. CM I admit that I am scared of roller coasters. CM I have been on one that dropped extremely fast which really frightened me. CM The thought of thecontentsof my stomach rising because of the G-Force is very intimidating for me. SD Throughout writing projects, such as essays, I have always been scared to see what my final grade was. CM This nervousness seems to melt away once I have my grade. CM When I have my grade then I can either be disappointed or proud of my work andI won't be anxious about my grade.Throughout life I will gain more fears that will take awhile to emerge. CS What would happen if the world had no fears?
TS I always hear stories about difficulties with cars causing it to crash. SD On the bus back from a field trip during Pine Point Camp, I remember Hannah having problems with opening the bus window. CM There was a fear that dwelled inside of me that was about to emerge without warning. CM With shame she was finally able to open the window with such a force it made a loud popping noise. SD This noise that rang in our ear was far too loud for a window shutting. CM Immediately the bus turned lopsided swerving off the road. CM The tire had popped creating a noise that made us all jump and scream. CM We all quickly thought in our minds that Hannah somehow popped the tire. SD When we slowed down we were all shaking a bit scared of what could of happened. CM We all had a good laugh about it afterwards. CM But some of us didn't realize what could of happened. CS Will this kind of fear confront me again?
TS Shame wins its ways usually. CM Shame confronted me about my fear of roller coasters and embarrassed me. CM It sneaks up out of no where and lowers your self esteem. CS Fears causing shame is not what people need, they need fears that they can conquer and feel good about it.
3 comments:
Cassy, in your first paragraph, the TS talks of fears you "have not yet found", but then the rest of the paragraph doesn't talk about that. Remember that the TS should clearly state the topic of the entire paragraph. That's the umbrella, and all the rest of the sentences must be under (or "about") that umbrella.
GOOD LUCK!
Cassy, this is a very nice essay. But, in the first sentence you are missing a definite fear. Also, some word choics you used were confusing, like crack away. I really injoyed reading the essay.
Cassy, this is great essay! i liked reading about all of your fears. I especially like your opening and closing paragraphs, they explained how people feel when they tell their fears beautifully.
Nice Work!
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