FINAL DRAFT
Cassy
8 English
Mr. Salsich
October 14, 2009
Privacy:
An Essay of My Own Life and TKAM Situations
TS Privacy is a necessity everyone needs at one point or another. CM If there was no privacy in the world, what would become of us? CM Would we all become insane? CS The world obviously needs to keep it's sanity or things could go wrong.
TS In To Kill A Mockingbird, the citizens of Maycomb, the southern town where the Finches live, have no privacy. SD The Finches should realize that there is no privacy. CM We love compliments but we hate criticisms (antithesis). CM For example Boo seemed to not know what privacy was: " ' Stephanie Crawford even told me once she woke up in the middle of the night and found him looking in the window at her-' "(Lee, page 60). SD Miss Maudie found that some of the foot-washers were very nosy, they seemed to invade her privacy too much. CM It's a good thing that she stood up for herself most of the time. CM For example, Miss Maudie loves flowers but the foot-washers had something to say about that: " '-some of 'em came out of the woods one Saturday and passed by this place and told me me and my flowers were going to hell' "(Lee, page 59). SD All of the people of the town of Maycomb all seemed to be invading each others privacy. CM One of the citizens, Boo Radley, peeped into a teacher's house at night. CM If the towns people sat down and thought what they were doing they would probably realize how invasive they all were. CS Will they figure out this problem by themselves?
TS Is it okay for our friends or parents to intrude so much in our life that is unbearable? SD My parents nose around too much in my social life. CM Sometimes my parents ask me what I'm talking about with my friends even though that is my own business. CM For example, my dad would randomly look behind at my computer screen to see what I was talking about. SD I dislike it when my parents want to talk about something that's private because it is too personal. CM For example, when my parents are dating someone new and they usually ask me if I like them which is usually awkward. CM When my parents ask me that question I enjoy telling the truth, but the truth sometimes hurts (appositive closer). SD There are times, when I want to say something to my parents that I can't. CM These times usually happen when they are lecturing me, but what I have to say would usually upset them. CM When my parents are in the middle of a lecture I try sometimes to tell them my opinion but they won't let me interrupt them. CS I know that all kids any age experience these scenarios at least once in their life.
TS The citizens of Maycomb need a lot of privacy. CM Nobody seems to be able to control the nosy people who peek into everyone's personal life. CM If I lived in Maycomb I would become insane because everyone seemed to know what was going on in everyone's lives. CS Privacy is necessary for a normal life.
2 comments:
Cassy, look at these sentences:
"The citizens of Maycomb, in To Kill A Mockingbird, figure our there is no privacy. SD In this Southern town, where the Finch family live, there was no privacy."
Notice that the second sentence almost repeats the first one. Try hard to make each of your sentences add something new to the discussion. These two sentences should probably be combined, perhaps into something like this: "In To Kill a Mockingbird, the citizens of Maycomb, the southern town where the Finches live, have no privacy." That's 19 words compared to 28 in the orgininal. This is the kind of artistic polishing that every writer (including me) has to do.
Also, don't forget to always put book titles in italics or underlined.
GOOD LUCK.
Cassy,
This is a very nice essay. I especially enjoyed how nicely it flowed. One thing I noticed, was in the very first sentence of the first body paragraph, you said "figure our", and I think you ment "out". Lastly, the only other sentence that didn't flow nicely was the fist sentence of the second paragraph. I think if you reworded this sentence your essay will be perfect.
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