Cassy
Mr.Salsich
8 English
October 21, 2009
A Feather:
Different Shades of Personalities
TS A feather flutters to the ground. CM This is like a person's personality fluttering far away so it affects the people around them. CM A male bird's feathers are bold while a female's are barely noticed. CS There are certain times when people want to be in the light or in the shadows.
TS Personalities are always unique, always bold, always your own (anaphora).SD Jem's personality is made up of multiple personalities that Dill might not see, only Scout. CM It always seems that Jem's personality changes when he is around Dill. CM Each personality is like a distinctive shade of color in the feather's quills. SD Jem never seems to listen to Scout when he is around Dill. CM Jem acted like Scout was not important at all: "Jem waved my words away as if fanning gnats"(Lee, page 78). CM For example, when there are a flock of birds they usually warn each other if a predator is coming, but in this case Jem would not listen if Scout tried to warn him. SD Scout always tries her best to fit in with Jem and Dill but it's too hard sometimes. CM Scout is like a bird camouflaging with dull feathers, not wanting to have bold noticeable feathers. CM Scout should not care what they think of her and be proud of herself. CS Everyone shouldn't be ashamed of who they are just because they are slightly different; it's not good for everyone to be clones.
TS There are situations where you have to decide whether you want to be camouflaged or be completely bold. SD Sometimes in my daily activities, I want to camouflaged like dull feathers of a female bird.CM I don't want to be noticed, I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to have the chance of being rejected (anaphora).CM During classes I will sometimes try to blend in with everyone so I have a better chance of not being picked on. SD There are also times when I want to be noticed like a male bird with bold colored feathers. CM When I am trying to tell a story, I usually get annoyed if someone isn't listening when I'm telling it. CM When I say something funny, I usually enjoy it when they acknowledge me by laughing. SD There are, unfortunately, times when I get embarrassed and I want to float away like a feather slowly floats to the ground.CM Jem must have felt like he wanted to float away when he saw that shadow with him on the Radley's porch. CM I'm sure at least once in someone's life they have been so embarrassed that they wanted to disappear. CS The everyday wants and needs of human attention still drags me in of to be or not to be camouflaged.
TS The importance of being noticed or not is always a big issue with people's self esteem. CM Being noticed is such a joy that ricochets off our heart making it pump faster. CM Being unnoticed is a blanket that covers our heart shadowing us from the social world. CS These affect the shades of someone's personality.
3 comments:
Cassy, look at this sentence:
"This Is like a person's personality fluttering far away that it affects the people around them."
It's a little confusing to me. Do you see what I mean? Try to make it (and all your sentences) so clear that anyone can instantly understand your meaning.
And this sentence:
"A feather attached to the bird staying high up in the wind noticed, or just plucked from the bird to be unnoticed."
It's actually a sentence fragment. Try to fix that up.
One other point:
I notice quite a few other mistakes and consusing places. Look over each sentence very carefully. I would say 30 minutes of very careful polishing should do it.
BEST OF LUCK!
Cassy,
This is another great essay of yours. There are a couple of errors though. For example, the TS in the second paragraph is confusing to me. Try and re word the sentence to make it more clear. Also, in the last CM of the second body paragraph there is another sentence that was confusing to me. This is great work, good luck.
Cassy,
Great work. I really liked your anaphoras and the last paragraph. This was a difficult assignment and you did a admirable job trying to relate a feather to TKM and your life.
PS. Strive to be the bird with bold, bright feathers. You have so much to offer this world.
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